Bitter Party of One

by Susan Carter

 

I don’t know who first said the words “Bitter, Party of One”, but it best describes someone after a breakup, especially if you were the one dumped.  The person who is actually ending the relationship has had weeks, well at least days, to come to terms with the end of the relationship.  You, however, have a sudden violent jarring of your whole life.  The news comes out of the blue with no real warning, or rather a warning that you only see weeks later when you look back.  So here you are with your broken heart and shattered plans, for what you will be doing on the weekends for oh, say, the rest of your life.  Well at least the next few weekends. Anyway now you have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and get on with life.

Somehow the whole process of breaking up is different for women, we want to talk about it, and we don’t care what the reason is, we just want one.  Any reason will do, I mean, come on, just make up a good excuse.  Well, my ex-boyfriend didn’t have a good excuse and couldn’t even make one up, so I get to make one up for him, which is handy because my imagination is very creative, being an only child. Possible reasons, what can they be?  Hmmm…train wreck… I’m too much woman for him (yeah that’s it)… too devoted to his mother (Probably)…there’s another woman (I’ll kill him)…he has commitment phobia (obviously!)… But unfortunately, what I am really left with is the question: ‘Why?’ But trying to understand another’s ‘why’ is impossible, so I am left with the hurt.  And from that hurt, I decide what his fate should be…

After the obvious fates of death, carnage, hair loss, and weight gain (hello you big Buick), I lovingly entertain my preferred future for him, his eventual change of heart, begging for my forgiveness, and my cold-hearted rejection.   He is not supposed to be happy, or move on with someone who potentially looks better than me.  Fortunately I haven’t had the satisfaction or frustration of any of those things.   
    
Perhaps the most difficult part of any break-up, or hurt in general, is dealing with the pain, and you have to deal with the pain.  Hurt easily and quickly turns to anger, which if not dealt with, will blossom into a bitterness that festers like a sore.  Bitterness can eat away at your very soul if you let it and, really, is that something we want?  Well, no, but somehow I am tempted to feel the only way to get revenge is to make that person hurt, to make him understand my pain.  Yet holding on to the bitterness and anger like a badge of courage isn’t going to do me any good, and he seems to be doing just fine regardless of how I feel.  So I will deal with the hurt of lost plans and dreams, and choose to dwell on the happy memories and the lessons I learned.  The way a relationship ends rarely reflects the happiness that the relationship brings to our lives in the beginning.  I repeat:  The way a relationship ends rarely reflects the happiness that the relationship brings to our lives in the beginning.  I will think of the good things and how I was able to overcome issues in my life, and that I am now better prepared for my next relationship, and that I’m a little wiser, and that my heart is not burdened by bitterness.

 

Print in pdf